The Ends Against The Middle

The other day I was sitting with a group of young people in Los Angeles at a rally for a 'progressive' cause. A certain anti-war celebrity was there. I'm not going to use his name because it would only be self serving. But the rally itself was the interesting part. A self proclaimed "Guerilla advertising" campaign. The Left baffles me even as much as the Right does. They have a talent, nay even a penchant for acting like 9 year old boys. They sat watching a 40+ year old man in chuck taylors and a zip up hoodie talk about the right way to lie to the police to not only keep yourself out of jail but also "the cause". All this to hang some posters on a wall or two, when we know that in this country you can't be persecuted by the government for your ideas. Not unless you choose to express your ideas with paint and glue on someone else's property. A group of young passionate activists sitting around talking about a postering campaign as if it were a subversive anti government cell. The Weather Underground, bombing a research lab late one night. But there's no bomb, no conscription to fight. Tonight they meet in the shadows of the $100 a seat Hollywood opening to speak of clandestine advertising campaigns for a political play that may, yes it might, try oh try it will tonight, change the mind of one or two people on a war that freed 26 million Iraqi's from a vicious and evil dictator. Maybe our reasons for going into this was are unfair and unevenly applied. Perhaps they are economically motivated. But we sit in basements and cry wolf as loud as we can about a democratically elected 'tyrant' who engaged us in a war where less people have died per capita than would here in the states from disease and accidents. Inflationary crying isn't the answer. Blind adherence to the administration isn't the answer either. Most importantly neither is anyone's utopian idea of 100 percent agreement in anything. But what's fair to suggest is that far more people are trying to do what they believe is best for individuals and the nation than any one side would have you believe. Far less people are trying to rape and pillage the whole world than either party would have you believe. And no one should find them-selves overreacting to some pseudo-catastrophe and not pause to remember a few critical facts.

Some 50,000 Americans died at the Battle of Gettysburg in only three days. 54,000 in WWI and some 291,000 in WWII. The Korean war lost 33,000 and the Vietnam war 47,000. So if you think that America has reached its low... If you think that it's never been worse... If you think for a second that a visceral hatred of another group of American's is the answer; my thought for you is: GROW UP. These are not the subjects for adolescent attention seeking tactics. Not the subjects for instant judgement with no historical research. Stop acting like a 9 year old having a tantrum. Figure out a way to seek the agreement of the majority, the people, America. Or you will die, to an equally baffling yet similarly American opposition. Find a candidate, find an idea. No one follows "the opposition" party blindly to the death; not when Johnny comes marching home again, and you can still buy a late' a day for 4 dollars.

Global Warming????

In the wake of Hurricane Katrina many scientists and politicians have found an opportunity to do one of the things that scientists and politicians do best: find ridiculous links between news events and their Wild Assed Theories (WAT), and subsequently get paid a shitload of money to talk about them on TV. Since the current news story de jure is weather related, we now bring you everyone who ever had a WAT about global warming. A hurricane, no bigger than many of the heavy hitters that have come ashore in the past decades has struck dead-on a city that has known that it could not withstand dead on strike of this magnitude for longer than global warming has been a term in the "legitimate" scientific community. Wow somebody take a picture of my face so that you know what I look like when I'm shocked. I'll remind everyone that New Orleans was doing quite well throughout the hurricane until the levy broke and let all the water flood into the city. But I digress... It's time folks for my fifteen minutes on the morning shows. Presenting My WAT...

Hypothesis:

Global Warming caused the disaster in New Orleans.

Proof:

Global warming has caused an overall irritation amongst those in the already warm climates of Louisiana. Feeling the pangs off a heat wave one or more enterprising individuals constructed a time machine, went back in time, and built a really crappy levy that they knew would not withstand a Cat 4 hurricane. They then went to the home of Ray Crock and told him secrets that would lead him to develop a really small hot fudge sundae containing a secret addictive agent, which would eventually sell in his McDonalds stores for $.99.

Implications:

Global warming has not only cause the greatest natural disaster in recent memory; it has also made me hungry for a sundae. If I didn't have to go get one I would be able to tell you all about my WAT for fixing the environment...

Damn you Global Warming!!!

Behold the Pale Horse

Two articles today have brought to my attention something I fear I must share with everyone. In the first Jane Fonda is praising Laura Bush and their shared Christian values, and in the second Hillary Clinton and Newt Gingrich are having press conferences together and singing each other's praises and talking about health care policy.... And the seven angels came out of the temple, having the seven plagues, clothed in pure and white linen, and having their breasts girded with golden girdles. And one of the four beasts gave unto the seven angels seven golden vials full of the wrath of God, who liveth for ever and ever. And the temple was filled with smoke from the glory of God, and from his power; and no man was able to enter into the temple, till the seven plagues of the seven angels were fulfilled. It's the time of Armageddon when men lie down with the animals and are scorched by the heat of the flames of hell. There can be no other explanation for these the most unholy of pairings. Gather your guns and head for the hills kids and don't forget a sturdy umbrella, because it won't be long before the frogs rain down from the sky and the land is flooded with the blood of the dead of centuries past

Don't say I didn't warn you!

Oddball Rodent

The headline on the health and science section of the International Herrald Tribune reads ''Oddball rodent' in Laos takes scientists by surprise'... Laos? What about the House of Representatives. You don't need to go to Laos to discover new and disturbing rodents.

United Airlines

I just don't understand... United Airlines just emerged from the courtroom after winning a "victory" allowing it to default on some $3 billion dollars worth of pensions. This means that the burden of paying these pensions falls on hard working American citizens and the already overstretched tax dollar. What's more is that this shift will, for many people, mark a steep drop in the pension benefits promised them. How do you win screwing people out of a promise you made to them before as much as 20 years of devotion. How do you get away with that? Most importantly why do I have to pay for it now? It's disgusting to me that there is an atmosphere in this country that promises can be made to people with no intent to fulfill. We waste government funding on millions of frivolous and wasteful programs, but we can be bothered to fulfill one simple rudimentary function of government; the prevention of large scale fraud in legitimate business affairs. In my left ear I hear screaming and crying about how more money and oversight by the public sector is necessary. Why give the government more money and power when they can’t manage the simple basic tasks we charged them with in the beginning? What amount of intervention can prevent a bold and ridiculous default on promises made to working men and women? Maybe it was time to let a giant fold before we let it escape its obligation. Maybe when the option is sacrificing the women and children first, the answer is to let the ship go down.

Tsunami relief?

Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day… Or something like that.

150,000 people I have never met are dead in a part of the world I have never seen. I’m not even sure how I’m supposed to feel about that. I should be overwhelmed I supposed but alas I am not. I can barely force myself to think about it when I have more pressing issues like it being the middle of the evening and I need a sandwich. That's what it's like to us in the western world. We'll all cry when in hurts our economy or if we happened to know someone there, but that's about it. Other than that we might send a check or something if we remember.

Here’s what I do think about when I do think about it. We’re sending millions of dollars across the sea for a relief effort. Which is awesome… I don’t think I have seen an outpouring of wealth voluntarily for nothing in return in as long as I can remember. But here’s the thing… Why just give them money, and goods? Sure they need them pretty badly and we must give enough to get these people through the initial shock. I say we divert some of this money though and start building factories and industry. I say we give them the opportunity to grow. Many of these nations qualify as third world and represent very little trade capacity. These were poor nations long before the sea swept across its borders and into homes. Why not take this opportunity to help them up beyond what they were before.

Imagine this; we talk to Nike, Hanes, Tyco and anybody else who is usually criticized for “sending jobs overseas” and offer them tax breaks to move industry into these devastated areas. We agree to invest the money we are already sending on infrastructure. We take a devastated labor force, put them back to work in jobs that to us are dirt cheap, but to them are tantamount to untold wealth. We use the money we are sending to hire local workers to rebuild these port cities. Then we hire them in our factories. Everybody wins. But here’s the kicker they don’t just win today. They win for a long time to come. Industry boosts the local economy. The influx of American dollars brings up the standard of living. And of course, trade begets trade. Growth begets growth. One industry needs structure and can’t afford it but many industries together will shoulder the cost of things like roads, energy, clean municipal water sources, working sewer systems and health care. The importation of cheap labor services will offset the cost and help boost American industry and the American economy.

Sure cold hard cash will feed these people this week. But industry will feed them long into the future. Industry will put clothes on their back and build schools for their children. Industry will turn Developing Nations into Developed Nations. And at the same time we get to import cheap labor which helps put goods in the hands of our citizens. Everybody wins. We have an opportunity to turn this tragedy and the outpouring philanthropic spirit into a fantastic gift for the world. Aren’t we obligated to do it?

Teach a man to sew Nikes and everybody eats.

Leftist pansies

Man the left is being petty these last few weeks. Here's my favorite... The blue states pay for all the red states. Hmmmm. Well maybe but here's the thing... Who feeds who. I gotta tell ya if they want to split off into two different countries I say lets' go. Let's take all the states that produce agricultural and commodity products in gross and cut them off from the states that just buy and sell things. Red staters will dress badly and blue staters will starve. Fucking idiots.

Crazy Dreams

I had a dream last night. It’s kind of disturbing so put the kids in the other room if you plan to read this aloud. I was on the campaign trail, walking through a hotel, somewhere in Ohio or Pennsylvania (a battleground state), looking for a coke machine. I turned a corner and walked past an open hotel room door. Inside I saw something that I may never clear from my mind. I saw naked and on all fours John Kerry giving Karl Marx a knobby while Pol Pot (dressed only in a silly little sailor’s hat) was giving him the reach around. Sensing that there was another person present JfK lifted his head and asked “have I ever told you about the environmental benefits of government subsidized drip irrigation programs?” then he went back to what he was doing. I turned away and continued looking for a coke machine.

It was, to say the least a disturbing dream. But it got me thinking, what is it about John Kerry that I don’t like? Hmmm. He seems like a friendly guy. He seems to care a great deal about something. What could it possibly be? Oh right, he’s a bleeding heart pinko communist. I forgot. Some would argue with me about him being a commie or just a “socialist” which is what communists in the states became when communism was associated with all those millions of murders in Russia, China and Cambodia to name a few. Nobody wants to be called a murderer just for his beliefs; even if his beliefs did take him on a plane to a foreign land to have secret meetings with the communist leadership of an enemy state with whom the United States was, at the time, engaged in combat. But then that’s just the North Vietnamese. We like them right? After all they were only killing their own people… and ours.