Friday, February 29, 2008
Happy Birthday
If you were born on this date in 1924... Happy 21st Birthday. After 84 years you can finally drink a beer. I'll buy.
Really? Mondale? Really?
There's a stink about the Clinton campaign. A stink that seems familiar to some. No I'm not talking about the stink of used up whores that stick's to Mr. Bill. I'm talking about the stink of desperation.
One of the benefits of a field full of terrible, and similarly destructive candidates is that I can revel in the failures and pitfalls of anyone who isn't doing well. I can be just as gleeful as I want to be when I see Hillary shitting in her own pool, because I know that there is no probable positive outcome to this presidential election. No matter what happens the next president of the United States will be a douche bag, who won by defeating other douche bags. Sure it might be a half black douche bag, or a female douche bag; Or a douche bag who is only an R' because he's got a bone to pick with the VC and the D's hate that. But it will definitely be a grade-A prime douche bag.
I digress.
Clinton scored points recently by tricking Obama into calling a photo of himself a dirty trick (why do they take the bait?) and tricking the R's into using the same photo in racially charged direct mail. The mere fact that anyone swung at that pitch in the dirt is incredible; let alone everybody swinging for the fences. All the while Hill's campaign just sat back and commended the Senator for learning about other cultures. Score one for Hill; but it was not enough to save her drowning mission to get blown by an intern in the oval office. The stink of desperation is as follows: Stealing campaign ads from Walter Mondale. (might be hard to really call it stealing as the ads were made by the same person)
One of the benefits of a field full of terrible, and similarly destructive candidates is that I can revel in the failures and pitfalls of anyone who isn't doing well. I can be just as gleeful as I want to be when I see Hillary shitting in her own pool, because I know that there is no probable positive outcome to this presidential election. No matter what happens the next president of the United States will be a douche bag, who won by defeating other douche bags. Sure it might be a half black douche bag, or a female douche bag; Or a douche bag who is only an R' because he's got a bone to pick with the VC and the D's hate that. But it will definitely be a grade-A prime douche bag.
I digress.
Clinton scored points recently by tricking Obama into calling a photo of himself a dirty trick (why do they take the bait?) and tricking the R's into using the same photo in racially charged direct mail. The mere fact that anyone swung at that pitch in the dirt is incredible; let alone everybody swinging for the fences. All the while Hill's campaign just sat back and commended the Senator for learning about other cultures. Score one for Hill; but it was not enough to save her drowning mission to get blown by an intern in the oval office. The stink of desperation is as follows: Stealing campaign ads from Walter Mondale. (might be hard to really call it stealing as the ads were made by the same person)
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
G-Phone
I want it. I'm skipping the I-phone altogether. Just a note I have already weened myself away from Microsoft's Office software because of superior 'free' open source products like Open Office. I can't wait for a new platform for open source smart phone development.
Monday, February 11, 2008
AARP
I keep seeing ads for AARP's special insurance program for older drivers. I find myself wondering what special coverage might be necessary for those more experienced drivers who are advanced in years. The ad makes it seem like AARP's pool of mature drivers facilitates lower rates. I'm not an insurance expert though I have had some experience with the structures involved in risk management. I ask is this really a low risk group?
* In November, an 89-year-old man whose car hurtled through a farmers market in California in 2003, killing 10 people and injuring more than 70 others, received five years of probation because a judge deemed him too ill to go to prison.
* Last August, a sport utility vehicle driven by an 89-year-old man plowed into pedestrians and vendors at an open-air public market in Rochester, N.Y., injuring 10 people.
* In October 2005 in North Dakota, an 87-year-old woman on her way to a doctor appointment smashed her car into the hospital’s lobby, injuring five women.
Perhaps AARP offers special 'after forty years of driving I forgot which pedal was the breaks and I plowed through a crowd of school children' forgiveness.
Or maybe I should stop watching television in the middle of the afternoon.
* In November, an 89-year-old man whose car hurtled through a farmers market in California in 2003, killing 10 people and injuring more than 70 others, received five years of probation because a judge deemed him too ill to go to prison.
* Last August, a sport utility vehicle driven by an 89-year-old man plowed into pedestrians and vendors at an open-air public market in Rochester, N.Y., injuring 10 people.
* In October 2005 in North Dakota, an 87-year-old woman on her way to a doctor appointment smashed her car into the hospital’s lobby, injuring five women.
Perhaps AARP offers special 'after forty years of driving I forgot which pedal was the breaks and I plowed through a crowd of school children' forgiveness.
Or maybe I should stop watching television in the middle of the afternoon.
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Sobbing Women
" Tell you about them sobbing women
Who lived in the Roman days
It seems that they all went swimming
While their man was off to graze
Well, a Roman Troop was riding by
And saw them in their me-oh-my
So they took them all back home to dry
Least, that's what Plutarch says
Oh, yes, them a-women was sobbing
Sobbing, sobbing fit to be tied
Every muscle was throbbing, throbbing
From that riotious ride
Seems they cried and kissed
And kissed and cried
All over that Roman countryside
So don't forget that
When you're taking a bride
Sobbing fit to be tied
From that riotious ride"
-- From the Musical Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
I won't say much in defense of John McCain but I am pretty sure he cried less in five years in a bamboo cage than this ridiculous idiot has in the last three months. If I were a democrat I would be praying for an Obama victory.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
With Friends Like This
Seriously if an R comes up with a $3t dollar budget... What's the goddamn difference.
GFY
GFY
Monday, February 04, 2008
Nobody Told Her
Perhaps the D's aren't trading notes anymore. Somebody should slip Hill a post-it or something. Everybody knows that in order for a D to become president s/he needs to at least pretend not to be a communist dictator until AFTER the election. It's just a minor timing issue really. Easy mistake to make. Amateurs do it all the time. Just a little cart-before-the-horse problem that can be easily remedied. I can offer a simple formula that can, perhaps, shed a little light on the process.
STEP 1. GET ELECTED
STEP 2. ANNOUNCE GRAND PLAN TO GARNER PEOPLE'S WAGES IN ORDER TO FORCE THEM TO BUY HEALTH INSURANCE
You see if you get those steps in the wrong order, people think you are fucking communist idiot.
If you hang your entire election on two concepts:
A. You have the right idea to fix what you claim is a wildly broken health insurance system.
B. You have the right idea to fix an ailing economy.
You should NOT, and I can't seem to figure out a way to emphasize this enough, you should NOT tell everyone that your plan to fix the health insurance system is... drum roll please; make it illegal to not buy health insurance. And do NOT throw in a bonus personal financial penalty for to worry about.
Truly a brilliant plan; I can't wait for the next step when she makes poverty illegal and punishable by a huge fine.
If you want to actually be president just wait a little longer, hold out for just a few more months. And never announce ahead of time your master plan to jam your giant black Stalinist dildo up our collective asses.
Hillary Care
STEP 1. GET ELECTED
STEP 2. ANNOUNCE GRAND PLAN TO GARNER PEOPLE'S WAGES IN ORDER TO FORCE THEM TO BUY HEALTH INSURANCE
You see if you get those steps in the wrong order, people think you are fucking communist idiot.
If you hang your entire election on two concepts:
A. You have the right idea to fix what you claim is a wildly broken health insurance system.
B. You have the right idea to fix an ailing economy.
You should NOT, and I can't seem to figure out a way to emphasize this enough, you should NOT tell everyone that your plan to fix the health insurance system is... drum roll please; make it illegal to not buy health insurance. And do NOT throw in a bonus personal financial penalty for to worry about.
Truly a brilliant plan; I can't wait for the next step when she makes poverty illegal and punishable by a huge fine.
If you want to actually be president just wait a little longer, hold out for just a few more months. And never announce ahead of time your master plan to jam your giant black Stalinist dildo up our collective asses.
Hillary Care
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Late advice to Barack Obama on recieving the Gentleman from Massachusetts
Guidelines for receiving the Gentleman from Massachusetts:
1. It's no secret that political figures are prone to certain involuntary behaviors such as the shaking of hands and the kissing of babies. It is usually harmless and generally acceptable to indulge this behavior. If, however, the Gentleman from Massachusetts is startled he may become confused; tranquilizer darts may be employed to stop or prevent the kissing of hands and the most unfortunate shaking of babies.
2. The Gentleman from Massachusetts, like many of his colleagues, has an uncontrollable penchant for the imbibing of distilled spirits. This may seem harmless to the casual observer. Nevertheless in the interest of the common welfare this
must be prevented. Many a small country or babysitter has been wiped off the
face of the earth in the wake of the Gentleman from Massachusetts and a cask of well aged brandy, or even a jug of filthy bathtub swill.
3. No person of any age being of the opposite sex should be left alone
in the presence of the Gentleman from Massachusetts. There need not be any further explanation, except to say that if in any case this guideline is broken the following
websites should be of the utmost import.
Planned Parenthood
Poison Control
4. No person of any age, being of the same sex should be left alone in
the presence of the Gentleman from Massachusetts. Better to be safe than sorry.
5. The Gentleman from Massachusetts should not be allowed to operate heavy machinery or automobiles as there is significant evidence to suggest a genetic
predisposition to unfortunate incidents involving mechanical implements.
6. Any articles left behind or dropped by the Gentleman from Massachusetts should be treated with the same care as any biological hazard. Latex gloves and eye
protection are highly recommended for their disposal. Items may include but
are not limited to the following: Empty liquor bottles, tufts of hair,
prescription drugs, prophylactics (used or otherwise), semi-conscious women, young boys, alligator carcasses, half eaten copies of the constitution, undergarments, souls of the damned, coin wrappers, rubber bands, address books filled with the phone numbers of third-rate-backwoods strippers and prostitutes, surgical implements and of course piles of the haplessly discarded hopes and dreams of a generation slowly choking to death on its own sick poisonous sweat.
Remember that these are just a few simple guidelines and the
true secrets to of survival with the Gentleman from Massachusetts lies in the subtleties of adaptation, a constant state of awareness and of course healthy quantities of mace and antibiotics.
1. It's no secret that political figures are prone to certain involuntary behaviors such as the shaking of hands and the kissing of babies. It is usually harmless and generally acceptable to indulge this behavior. If, however, the Gentleman from Massachusetts is startled he may become confused; tranquilizer darts may be employed to stop or prevent the kissing of hands and the most unfortunate shaking of babies.
2. The Gentleman from Massachusetts, like many of his colleagues, has an uncontrollable penchant for the imbibing of distilled spirits. This may seem harmless to the casual observer. Nevertheless in the interest of the common welfare this
must be prevented. Many a small country or babysitter has been wiped off the
face of the earth in the wake of the Gentleman from Massachusetts and a cask of well aged brandy, or even a jug of filthy bathtub swill.
3. No person of any age being of the opposite sex should be left alone
in the presence of the Gentleman from Massachusetts. There need not be any further explanation, except to say that if in any case this guideline is broken the following
websites should be of the utmost import.
Planned Parenthood
Poison Control
4. No person of any age, being of the same sex should be left alone in
the presence of the Gentleman from Massachusetts. Better to be safe than sorry.
5. The Gentleman from Massachusetts should not be allowed to operate heavy machinery or automobiles as there is significant evidence to suggest a genetic
predisposition to unfortunate incidents involving mechanical implements.
6. Any articles left behind or dropped by the Gentleman from Massachusetts should be treated with the same care as any biological hazard. Latex gloves and eye
protection are highly recommended for their disposal. Items may include but
are not limited to the following: Empty liquor bottles, tufts of hair,
prescription drugs, prophylactics (used or otherwise), semi-conscious women, young boys, alligator carcasses, half eaten copies of the constitution, undergarments, souls of the damned, coin wrappers, rubber bands, address books filled with the phone numbers of third-rate-backwoods strippers and prostitutes, surgical implements and of course piles of the haplessly discarded hopes and dreams of a generation slowly choking to death on its own sick poisonous sweat.
Remember that these are just a few simple guidelines and the
true secrets to of survival with the Gentleman from Massachusetts lies in the subtleties of adaptation, a constant state of awareness and of course healthy quantities of mace and antibiotics.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
They all look the same to me
I can't decide if Bill Clinton comparing Barack Obama to the Right Honorable Reverend Jesse Louis Jackson Sr. is intended to be a compliment or not. I know that the Right Honorable Reverend was a close friend and confidant to the former Pres. while he was banging that heavy set broad in the oval office (who better to consult with than the adulterous father of numerous illegitimate children). It stands to reason that Willy J. thinks highly of the young senator. One can only wonder if he made the comments in order to somehow ride Obama's coat-tails in a state where his ugly little wife didn't stand a chance. OR maybe he just cant tell the difference from one black man to another.
Clinton
Clinton
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
Police Raids
Yet another in a long stream of good points made my Reason.Com Senior Editor Radley Balko. Why do the Police use tactics intended to 'bewilder and confuse' people and subsequently argue that a bewildered, confused person shooting at police in the middle of the night is, of course, lying.
Balko's Article
Balko's Article
Monday, January 07, 2008
Dixville Notch
With a record of 70 percent accuracy the voters of Dixville Notch NH cast their ballots at exactly midnight last night. With 7 votes Barack Obama took the village's democratic primary. If history serves as an indicator of future results that will mean he is the next president of the united states. To add insult to injury he is the first Democrat to take the popular vote in a Dixville Notch since at least 1980. To be fair though this year the town's 17 registered voters consisted of 10 D's and 7 R's. John McCain won for the R's but with only 4 votes.
As always there is a silver lining Hillary Clinton got her ass handed to her again with no votes to speak of.
As always there is a silver lining Hillary Clinton got her ass handed to her again with no votes to speak of.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
I almost missed this
Ask around and many of the 'experts' will tell you that while Governor Mike Huckabee stands a pretty fair chance of taking the republican nod from Iowa tomorrow, that he probably doesn't have the support he needs to be a major player in some of the less evangelical states. While he has come on strong in the conservative stronghold of the Midwest, widespread is the suggestion that the northeast belongs to Romney and a Guliani 'firewall' Florida run will collectively shut down the efforts of the former minister. Even what many are calling a gaff this week in which Huckabee revealed the negative ad he 'was pulling' seems to play into the overall feeling that he may not have the legs for the full campaign.
But I see another trend, if you can call it that. Maybe just a single choice, that speaks volumes as to the tenacity and the will of Gov. Huckabee as a serious contender to watch for in this primary season. On of the newest acquisitions for the Huckabee team is none other than Ed Rollins. Rollins as many will recall was one of the principle architects behind the Reagan 49 state victory in 84'. Author of the book 'Bare Knuckles and Back Rooms' he is as unabashedly competitive as a political heavy can get. Rollins likens politics not to friendly idealistic debate but to bare knuckle boxing, and winner take all bloodsport.
Rollins co-managed Ross Perot's campaign in 92' and while that may cast a shadow of doubt on him, keep in mind that Perot looked like he was riding a rocket ship to the white house till the day after Rollins quit. Then he dropped out of the race and everybody discovered what made Rollins leave, Perot was a whack-job.
The addition of Rollins is a contrast to Huckabee's personal style of playing fair, playing nice, and letting the voters determine who to trust. It is certainly a sign of two very important things in a political campaign; the determination necessary to win, and the self confidence of a candidate that believes he can be the Alpha in any group of people. Unless you are prone to immeasurably huge blunders you don't bring in a rabid dog unless you know you can hold onto the leash. But you also don't bring him in if you intend to hold onto the leash all the time.
Look for bold, strong, unexpected shots from this campaign in the coming months. Competitors in this race can count on leaving blood on the canvas. Huckabee's meditative sense of self and turn-the-other-cheek attitude may keep the campaign from tilting too far to the negative, but that doesn't mean he's going to remain a soft target. Rollins is the kind of guy you hire when you don't just want to knock guys down, you them killed and their bodies eaten.
But I see another trend, if you can call it that. Maybe just a single choice, that speaks volumes as to the tenacity and the will of Gov. Huckabee as a serious contender to watch for in this primary season. On of the newest acquisitions for the Huckabee team is none other than Ed Rollins. Rollins as many will recall was one of the principle architects behind the Reagan 49 state victory in 84'. Author of the book 'Bare Knuckles and Back Rooms' he is as unabashedly competitive as a political heavy can get. Rollins likens politics not to friendly idealistic debate but to bare knuckle boxing, and winner take all bloodsport.
Rollins co-managed Ross Perot's campaign in 92' and while that may cast a shadow of doubt on him, keep in mind that Perot looked like he was riding a rocket ship to the white house till the day after Rollins quit. Then he dropped out of the race and everybody discovered what made Rollins leave, Perot was a whack-job.
The addition of Rollins is a contrast to Huckabee's personal style of playing fair, playing nice, and letting the voters determine who to trust. It is certainly a sign of two very important things in a political campaign; the determination necessary to win, and the self confidence of a candidate that believes he can be the Alpha in any group of people. Unless you are prone to immeasurably huge blunders you don't bring in a rabid dog unless you know you can hold onto the leash. But you also don't bring him in if you intend to hold onto the leash all the time.
Look for bold, strong, unexpected shots from this campaign in the coming months. Competitors in this race can count on leaving blood on the canvas. Huckabee's meditative sense of self and turn-the-other-cheek attitude may keep the campaign from tilting too far to the negative, but that doesn't mean he's going to remain a soft target. Rollins is the kind of guy you hire when you don't just want to knock guys down, you them killed and their bodies eaten.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Congress has lost its goddamn mind. Just kidding they never had minds
We're in an ugly war in a part of the world that can't help but hate us more and more each day. A part of the world that has more than it's fair share of idiots with bombs and no regard for human life.
We're in the middle of a small economic crisis with crashing home values, incredible mortgage default rates and crowds of experts holding their hands up and stating 'hell I don't know when it'll get better'.
People are being murdered by the thousands in Darfur.
There's a climate issue that a lot of people think has something to do with us and very few people are investigating the massive fraud involved in that mess.
The Prius uses more fossil fuels in production and recycling than the hummer in it's entire life span, but people still aren't shooting those irritating slow driving HOV lane hogging pieces of shit.
The 'War on Drugs' is a miserable failure and has led only to the intense militarization of the American police forces and the amazing increase in funding for narco-trafficking. Oh and incredible increases in violent crime.
The United States has a greater percentage of it's population in prison than any nation in the world (discounting Rwanda for obvious reasons).
BUT DON'T WORRY EVERYONE
The United States Congress (one of the most powerful governing bodies in the world) with it's whopping 29percent approval rating will be addressing that Steroids in Baseball issue... Whooo; What a relief.
Hey Congress...
I have a BIG G.F.Y. for ya.
We're in the middle of a small economic crisis with crashing home values, incredible mortgage default rates and crowds of experts holding their hands up and stating 'hell I don't know when it'll get better'.
People are being murdered by the thousands in Darfur.
There's a climate issue that a lot of people think has something to do with us and very few people are investigating the massive fraud involved in that mess.
The Prius uses more fossil fuels in production and recycling than the hummer in it's entire life span, but people still aren't shooting those irritating slow driving HOV lane hogging pieces of shit.
The 'War on Drugs' is a miserable failure and has led only to the intense militarization of the American police forces and the amazing increase in funding for narco-trafficking. Oh and incredible increases in violent crime.
The United States has a greater percentage of it's population in prison than any nation in the world (discounting Rwanda for obvious reasons).
BUT DON'T WORRY EVERYONE
The United States Congress (one of the most powerful governing bodies in the world) with it's whopping 29percent approval rating will be addressing that Steroids in Baseball issue... Whooo; What a relief.
Hey Congress...
I have a BIG G.F.Y. for ya.
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