Friday, August 29, 2008

Top Ten Republican VP Qualifications

10. She's the Candidate Everyone wants to Poll

9. She's in favor of laying miles of strategic pipeline for her country

8. Energy policy favoring on-shore-drilling

7. She has a very nice platform

6. Knows exactly how to handle a large Staff

5. Is particularly attractive to Swing Voters

4. Perfect candidate for the #2 Slot

3. She's the candidate you can really get behind

2. Bursting through Glass Ceilings (but not mirrored ones)

1. I hesitate to say it, she's not just brains and talent, she's also an awfully fetching lady.


This is fantastic.


For those older readers who can't figure this out...

Like to

It's Palin

Hot Damn

That is one rockin' way to hijack a news cycle.

More on this later.

Obama 2008 Convention Speech

First off I'd like to say that this might be one of the best written and delivered political speeches I have seen in my lifetime. I'm not drinking the Kool-aid but I'll be very surprised if John McCain has anything up his sleeve that makes him look or sound more like the leader of the free world than this guy.

I disagree with the larger share of what Captain O has to say. I don't think the government is the solution to our problems, I don't think that Washington should be the protector of industries we have long since left for greener and smarter pastures. I don't think the government needs to protect the auto industry when they are making the changes to protect themselves. I don't think the government needs to protect us from outsourcing jobs,when we as consumers know that 'outsourcing jobs' really means importing low cost labor to lower the cost of important goods and services for average Americans. For years foreign automakers have been selling more cars in America than American auto makers and that is because they can provide higher quality, higher fuel efficiency and lower prices. While thousands of Americans work for the auto industry, millions of Americans drive cars, when we 'protect' those jobs, we do so at the expense of other American families. The American auto industry will learn to survive as they always have, through good old fashioned American ingenuity. And if we want to help them, we need to make this country the most inviting country in the world in which to do business.

I don't want my government to protect farms, as O says, because farms don't need the kind of protection that he claims to offer. Farms, for the most part in America today aren't owned by mom and pop, they are owned by huge multi-national corporations with huge lobby's. The corn industry alone has an enormous strangle hold on the American political system(try buying a Coke with real sugar); corn subsidies drive world prices to unrealistic places while undercutting competitors in nations that need corn, not for wild eyed fuel strategies, but for food. The farms that are owned by small businesses and families require only the protection of a government that doesn't give hand outs to their enormous corporate competitors.

O claims that he will make the government leaner by stripping out unnecessary programs and streamlining the programs that remain. I'd imagine his definition of 'necessary' differs from mine, but i'm for that plan. I'm also in favor unicorns and the fountain of youth but I'm not voting for a politician that promises me those either.

It's ballsy to threaten a crowd of D's with individual responsibility. A thought that usually sends shivers down their spines. One wonders what the leader of the government can actually do to foster said ideas, if in fact he has any intentions of doing so.

I'm not buying what he's selling but I'll tell you this; If tonight is any hint at the next few months, we're going to find out if I'm wrong.

It's McCain's turn to blow our doors off and I've seen very little that makes me think he has it in him.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Hillary Convention Speech String

Nice slideshow...

7:47 the bitch is back
They went with the orange pantsuit which would have been my choice with her skin tone.

Michelle looks cranky before any words are spoken

"and as a proud supporter of Barack Obama..." that must hurt.
It obviously hurt Bill

"Sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits" that's funny.

holy hell this is a boring speech.

How can Hillary Clinton talk with a straight face about the middle class?

McCain stands for "more war and less diplomacy" Didn't her husband bomb an aspirin factory?

When did gender income inequality make it back on top of the D's platform?

Harriet Tubman "keep going" quote is good speech writing.

I'm incredibly sick of the glass ceiling bullshit.

All in all a sufficiently predictable unity speech. Nothing particularly of interest for me. She's playing to the party as we all expected. It looks like she wants their support in 2012. She also pandered pretty heavily to the feminist voters which she and O both really need.

I'm interested to see Bill's speech to find out if he's capable of being this deferential.

The D's are doing a good job of staying positive which has always been their weakness. They are not doing a good job of defining policy and party identity. This will be the weak point of their election bid this year. If they don't find an identity and illustrate it, the R's will do it for them.

They are also running on one of the biggest mistakes they've been carrying around; running against Bush and not against McCain. Watch for the R's to push a very well identified party platform, and for McCain to be billed as his own man.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

The Royal Penis

I swear that of all the things I care deeply about in this world, I can't find space on my list for where John Edwards puts his dick.

I just don't care.
I don't care if he knocked up a campaign worker.
I don't care if he's into guys, like Ann Coulter suggests.
I don't care if he's up right now at 4am, standing outside a closed Victoria's secret at the mall in a ninja costume, holding a watermelon with a hole carved in it, fantasizing about fucking his own relatives at a picnic.

The reason that I don't care is that he's not running for president anymore, and he's not a candidate for office where I live, so it's NONE OF MY GODDAMN BUSINESS.

A man's particular integrity is important, but it is important only in as much as he has influence over the lives of other people. When we consider a person for the office of the president we all have an interest in his or her integrity and his or her lifestyle.

When we consider a person for a congressional seat, the people of that particular district have a right to know about the dirty secrets lurking within the man or woman who will potentially represent them.

But it's pretty simple: if you aren't running for anything I vote for, and if you aren't laboring to maneuver your cock into a child, a coma victim, my family, or a puppy... AND if you don't kill them afterward (thanks Ted) It's NONE OF MY GODDAMN BUSINESS.

AAAAAANNND as such it doesn't belong in my newspaper.