That's right you heard it from me.
Santa is real, and he's a cop. And what's more is he wants some new stuff so he and his elves (I always knew they weren't really humans) can "fight crime" some more.
Maybe with the money they steal... I mean receive from harmless citizens... I mean violent speeders, they can get an armored personnel carrier to fight violent criminals. Don't laugh, it takes a lot of money to shoot some unarmed black guys.
Ok ok that wasn't fair. They also shoot unarmed mexicans and potheads.